We were watching Dr. Kirk surfing in Hawaii on YouTube when suddenly I was abducted by aliens. Now, these were not the Martians who had by this point converted all written text on Earth into Martian. No, these were the Venusians, long-time rivals of the Martians (or so I’ve heard).
The leader of this particular Venusian craft looked a bit like Jamie Farr, had his skin been blue. He told me the Martians were colonizing Earth for the purposes of converting it into a military institution. I jokingly told them that we’d already done that, but he didn’t really laugh. He told me that the Martian plan was to send Earthlings into combat, since there weren’t many Martians left after centuries of warring with the Venusians (and sometimes the Uranians, although I was told the Uranians didn’t like to fight, much).
In order to learn more about the Martians’ new warrior race, the Venusians wished to study me. For several weeks they poke, prodded, and even probed me to learn as much as they could about “the other race.” There was one point where I’m quite certain my head was removed from my body, but there’s no scar there now, so I can’t say for certain.
When it was all done I was told I was free to go, and they told me I’d been an awful good sport about the whole process. As a reward I was told I could travel to any point in time I wished, so I had them send me back to class on the day we became enlightened, because I’d forgotten what Dr. Kirk had told us.